Guess who’s coming for dinner?
Before I get into this, let me just say that one of my favorite movies is Julie & Julia. If you have seen it, you know the title of this is pulled from the scene where Julie asks her blog followers that exact question because she had a very special guest who was coming for dinner. If you haven’t seen it, please stop reading this, get caught up and then meet me back here in 90 minutes. Trust me, it’s worth it.
So why am I opening with that? Because on January 9, 2021, I had two special visitors come to my house. When I reflect back on this pivotal moment of my life, I like to start the story with a little guessing game, just like Julie did to her followers. So let’s see if you can guess. I’ll give you three hints. 1. It was a surprise visit. 2. I never met them before the moment they seemingly appeared out of thin air and 3. I never wanted to see them again!
Any guesses? No, it’s not any of my husband’s family and it’s not any of mine, although numbers one and three would apply to so many of them. It was (drumroll) two government officials of an investigative unit that is nationwide. Other than that, I’m not naming which one, to ambiguously cover my backside. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not, so let’s unpack this.
First of all, I feel it’s important to mention that when I said it was a surprise visit, I was serious.
They arrived right around 2 p.m. and I was having a relaxing day, so I was of course, braless in a robe that should have been tossed out years prior due to deterioration, if you get my drift.
Looking back, I’m not sure who was more horrified, me seeing them or them seeing me!
It was exactly what you see in the movies…an assertive knock on the front door, them announcing my name and asking if I was she, me confusingly confirming it, then they flashed their badges. The same badges that I asked to see, so I could inspect. I’m not sure exactly what I thought I was looking at, but I was convinced my brother was playing a prank on me, which I quickly realized he was not. If there was ever a time I was praying for a prank from my older brother, it was then.
Now this next part will either scare you or make you happy depending on where you fall politically. The reason they came to my home was because they received an “anonymous” tip that I was at the White House on January 6 during the infamous “Insurrection.” First of all, I didn’t know you could just call and Karen a tip in to these high up people, but apparently it’s easier than one would think. Second, I absolutely was not there and third, I could actually prove my innocence, because I did a Facebook LIVE that day from my bed, sick as a dog. Let me just stop right here and say the relief that came over me because I could show them right on the spot that I wasn’t there was indescribable. I normally go LIVE every day and almost didn’t because I felt so terrible, but something inside me told me to do it. Looking back, I’m pretty sure it was the Lord himself!
As shocking as all that is, there’s actually more and it’s worse. I was also told that there was another “tip” that I had terrorist activity on my Facebook...another lie! If talking about current events in the world from my point of view is a crime, then I’m guilty, but that doesn’t qualify me as a terrorist and if it does, then Houston, we have a problem!
This not-so-fun story ends with them letting me know that all claims against me were unfounded. This was no surprise to me at all because I knew I did nothing wrong. I was told however, I will always have a record with them, which was surprising. I suppose as long as my record doesn’t include my weight fluctuations over the years, it’s not that big of a deal.
I will say this, I used to think that a great way to drop unwanted pounds quickly was to go through a breakup, but looking back, that’s child’s play. The real way to drop weight fast is to have an active investigation with a high-up agency. There is something about the stress of that, that just melts the fat right off your bones. It’s easier than you think, ladies and gentlemen. Simply find a platform online and speak about things that others may not agree with. One quick call from a stranger (or not, the jury still is out on that one) and one day maybe you too can find yourself on the “interrogation diet.” although, it’s something I truly don’t recommend. I do enjoy giving them shout outs on LIVE every now and then, just for fun!
Kasi DeStefano was a longtime resident of Hammonton. She wants everyone to know that this is what allegedly happened and that this may or may not have been written as satire. She isn’t trying to be tracked down and interviewed ever again. She can be reached at email@example.com