Thanksgiving Dinner invitations I’d like to see
Publisher’s Note: Growing up, one of my favorite departments in Mad Magazine was “…We’d Like to See” which skewered everything from TV shows to movies to advertising and more with stylish satire. I don’t claim that my satire is on that level, but I figured we could all use some laughs before Thanksgiving. So here are my thoughts on some holiday get-togethers I’d like to see.
1.The entire town council and the entire board of education. Let’s see…we’re going to need seven seats for the council, and 11 seats for the board. Maybe we’ll alternate seating: council-school board-council-school board. Elected officials only, no professionals—they eat enough.
And when we say, “elected officials only,” we mean it. Anyone who’s not elected to office but thinks they are a council member, a mayor or a school board member has to sit outside in the garage at the kiddie table. Hmm. We may need six or seven seats in the garage.
Can’t you see Mayor Stephen DiDonato and Hammonton Board of Education President Sam Mento III wrangling over that wishbone? We may have to sell tickets to this dinner. All proceeds would go to some local charity, of course.
2. Pennsylvania Senator-Elect John Fetterman and Congressman Jeff Van Drew. Talk about an “Odd Couple”—Fetterman is Oscar Madison to Van Drew’s Felix Unger.
Van Drew could show Fetterman how to be a snappier dresser when he walks around the Senate Chamber. For his part, Fetterman could show Van Drew how to rock a hoodie while on Capitol Hill.
Could you imagine these two walking down the corridors of power together? Two men on opposite ends of the political and sartorial spectrum, coming together to unite the government—and fashion.
3. Environmental Commission Chairman Dan Bachalis and the people working on the master plan. During the November 9 meeting of the Hammonton Environmental Commission, Chairperson Dan Bachalis said that there has been no progress on the draft of the green building and environmental sustainability element of the town’s master plan, which is being funded through a $20,000 grant the town received from Sustainable Jersey on May 14, 2020, Gazette Staff Writer Joseph F. Berenato wrote in the November 16 edition of The Gazette.
“I did take the liberty of looking at it and reformatting it, and sharing it with a couple of people for comment before I submit it back to ARH [Adams, Rehmann & Heggan Associates]. I’m not sure why there’s been no contact about the whole thing; very mysterious,” Bachalis said during the November 9 Environmental Commission meeting.
Maybe they can work out the mystery between the turkey and stuffing course and the pumpkin pie they have for dessert.
4. Atlantic County Commissioner James Bertino, Atlantic County Clerk Joseph Giralo and Atlantic County Executive Dennis Levinson. Who wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall to hear the conversations if these three came together for the holiday? It’s time to carve up the turkey—among other things—at Thanksgiving Dinner, Atlantic County-style.
5. St. Joseph Head Football Coach Paul Sacco and Hammonton High School Head Football Coach Jim Raso. Oh wait, that’s not for Thanksgiving Dinner. That’s for the Thanksgiving Football Rivalry Game between Hammonton and St. Joe that we don’t play anymore. Never mind.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone—hope everyone has fun around the real Thanksgiving Dinner tables this year!
Gabriel J. Donio is the publisher of The Hammonton Gazette.